April 15, 2005

a new pseudo manifesto

I'm starting to realize this blog is becoming more and more a watered-down version of myself (not to mention largely opinionless and mundane). Now, I don't want to disappoint all those of you who know me through this digital interface, but more so, I don't want to disappoint myself and, at age sixty-five, read this stuff and shake my head at how much of a big douchebag I became after entering the working world. Henceforth, I will write about what I'm really feeling. Like before.

I suppose, like many of us, I still have to deal with questions of authenticity. When did I (or we) become so damn cynical? (Oh, ... just year 2001 and afterwards. I have this feeling it was lurking in our adolescent lives before that, but the war really sealed it.) How many of the things we used to trust and believe in do we still trust and believe in? I'm not talking about growing pains or coming of age or rites of passage (GAH I hate it when people use those phrases). This era is so full of suffering it's ridiculous. I think pretty much anyone with a conscience has absorbed this and lives daily with some degree of guilt and shame to be associated with our leaders, their cronies, and their lies and deliberate twisting of that in which we originally had faith. Guilt and shame for the decadence, illusion and materialism that makes our world; spinning around and seeing how people live close to each other but far apart. I don't know about you, but sometimes it gets to me so bad I get so weary. Just decrepit.

Okay, more later. I'm tired from work, and I gotta sleep.

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