where is my infinite optimism???!!!!
(i squeak as the fire in my belly is slowly extinquished ...)
good god, it's been just eight months and i need a sabbatical ... the kind of sabbatical where you don't ever return. ;p
time to lift my head towards the vast unconquered frontier, full of endless reinventions
... or accept shit fundamentally never changes, and i'm stuck in a forever cycle of longing and misery. if only i could get my full swing greys back, lay back, read some theory. like when i was a kid, lay out a new narrative for myself, a film in which i am the star.
!!!
2 comments:
but jean, your LIFE is the film in which you are the star. your LIIIIFE!!!! you're a heroine in an opera of your own designing, or in a film like "house of flying daggers". and your comrades, they're heroes unto their own sagas, too...
well, this gets me through my days. but really, life is too short for misery. i woke up this morning wanting to see "thumbsucker" again, hearing mike mills' voice say, "nobody in the world really knows what the hell they're doing anyway. but everything'll be ok."
be brave. hope you hang in "there". hope i do, too! :p fuck.
thanks, andrea. mike mills! (privileged bastard!)
my german coworker in shanghai told me that bc germany was in a terrible economic slump, many professionals (especially architects) were jobless and living off welfare. he said he wished they would have the optimism american people have. (i realized at that point optimism is an american stereotype trait, and i guess it's more or less accurate).
on the other hand, there's me, and i'm 22, a ripe innovative and optimistic age, but i have little faith that dreams will come true and things will sum up, spontaneously and fatefully, in a benevolent end. to me the world is filled with cruelty, loss, unhappiness, and injustice more than goodness. i guess i am pretty marxist.
there are moments when i have out of body experiences, particularly during the times of the day i am in a cube at an anonymous corporation where my only friend is the monitor before me, and these moments seem to occur for, mm, eight hours a day.
ok, i exaggerate. it's honestly not that bad. ;)
thanks for keeping me secret company at work!!
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