May 9, 2007

whew. the stress is over. it was surprising how much i took on my shoulders and worried and criticized, and look ... it's finished! it wasn't quite the same catharsis you feel after an arch critique (maybe because the release is a lot stronger after a furious 400 hours of architecture studio anxiety), so i'm left just a little baffled.

i feel silly for being so worked up, because these classes are super low-pressure, but i still managed to get all worked up. it's drawing for gosh sakes! the love of my life (well, at least one of them)! drawing to me always feels like effort that is effortless, which is why i love it so much -- it's something that comes from somewhere else, and you just sort of manifest it on paper. like writing. like a merging of the subconscious and the conscious that's always in flux but completely true. okay, that doesn't make any sense to me either, but it's something like that!

anyway, i suppose this is what happens when you start working with molds and models. you start self-analyzing way too much and start feeling bad for not being "invested" in the project (you know it's dangerous when you start asking the question: does this look right? to everyone else?) -- i knew i was starting to become my own worst, fidgety critic. well, i'm simmering down now. in the meantime, i'm looking forward to a looong vacation.

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