July 3, 2010

It was a physically hard week (which reminds me, did you know 25% of your calories are consumed by your brain?). Then, saw the doctor on Friday after missing more than one of my appointments in the past few months (very much intentionally), who says I need to be aware of cancer on my meds, see some more specialists etc. I despise having my being reduced to a few measures on two pages of lab results and the sum of my prescription medications. For months i can mostly forget that im sick except for when i take my meds, my diet, and when i am especially fatigued for a few days maybe after getting too much sun or heat - things that average-ly healthy people deal with anyway. Otherwise it's the same person, with the same friends and interesting things to do and look forward to. I get to not think about dying.

But, everytime I see the doc it's like I have to mourn the old life all over again. Denial, bargaining, anger, the whole bit, and it never gets any easier. I keep wishing it would.

So the last few days i've been feeling quite low. At least I know the feeling won't last forever.

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