June 25, 2011

machu picchu

i had a horrible day with cellcept. i stop taking it (i get my kicks from non-compliance) for months off and on. though i have been on 500 mg for almost a good year now, i am not going to get off until the end of the year. (which will mark three years since my last big flare and three years on treatment this time around).

today was exhausting. i seriously got knocked out by this med, and whenever stuff like that happens (health stuff i didn't predict would be so bad and then is that bad), i get super depressed. and all in all feel very lonely and small. i googled "so tired from cellcept" to see who else out there was feeling like this and came up with a lot of links i'd actually been to before, including a forum of transplant patients scared of losing their organs on generic cellcept, people losing hair, people warning each other to get their kidney and liver enzymes checked, fearing brain diseases that the drug makes you more likely to get. after about ten minutes of this i had to shut down that little iphone screen and turn my head away. i forget when you go looking for company / the companionship of shared exeriences on the internet, you often don't know what you will find. beware, it can be frightening.

now, being nice to myself and taking things in perspective and reading my blogs in the quiet of this empty house i am a-ok. added one thing i'd like to do before i die: visit machu picchu. (i got that from the erie basin tumblr). who wants to go?

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