mintcar

My worth is not fully captured on the surface.
I looked to beauty (the epicureans call it a god, and the ascetics think it's the devil) ... first as an aesthetic pursuit. Visual pleasure at its highest form. It was also an intellectual stepping, between words and imagined worlds, subtly, moments encased. Beauty was pure. When I was a child, beauty was pure, and an ineffable force of life. I wanted to create it, as much as I wanted to have it surround me.

It was broken in 2001. It degraded slowly, then abruptly in 2002, then 2003. Beauty was bought, it was used, and it was ashamed. To where did it go, when it wasn't with desire, and pain? It's slathered around in the mouths of the foulest, lowest men, and mutated and excreted through the bowels of the powerful, the greedy, of violence, of sick men onto my plate. Why is such violence done to me, and to everyone, who once believed beauty could elevate us all.

The eyes give me distance, the tongue, only the disgust of nearness. And now, even the eyes give me hatred and lust all at once. When did we all become things. Rather than alive. Empty caskets of flesh containing dead thoughts? There was beauty to be created (and there still is), though I hate to create it for the people who not for a second believed in the actual worth of it. I hate the corrupted souls in all of us, and all of us who corrupted beauty.

(You can call me an elitist; my almost inherent elitism shows throughout. But, I'd rather not pander. I have my loyalties & ideals with which to propel my anger and loathing.)

Otherwise, I am feeling really great about being back in school! I <3 architecture. (Oh yes, and I also like watching football. Just a tidbit of information.)

Today's entrees:
Arch 160: Construction
Arch 133X: Form Z
Arch 133A: AutoCad

Tomorrow's selection:
Theatre 60: Stagecraft
Art 150: Theory and Criticism
VS 187: Fucking Around

Last semester of undergraduate studies ever. (Oh, besides Arch 101 over the summer!)

ps Kerry or Edwards?