mintcar

People can be such stubborn, insensitive shits. No one is perfect, but who is so inanely unperceptive that they would waste so much of my time. I despise when I confront a person about a topic I am sensitive about, pose allegations that they are commiting hurtful acts towards me (or others), and they abjectly deny it does any wrong, without even thinking about the emotional implications. Talk about adding insult to injury. (It's simply fucked up, not to mention infantile). Surely, it's not like they have no feelings, but do they ever think about OTHER PEOPLE'S? Just fucking consider it from the start, and not be a defensive asshole! There's something students mock in architecture review, that's "rigor," but I somehow find being RIGOROUS about thinking before you act, no matter how seemingly inperceptible the act is (to you), is terribly, terribly important. Especially to me, because I pay RIGOROUS attention to the details. To put it softly, the connection between my eyes and my brain tends to be fast. Ideally, this kind of quick double checking prevents a lot of hurt I might inadvertantly cause. Whether you call it caution or care, I also do it because I cherish something, and I want to take ALL measures to make sure that what I cherish will be sustained.

As a side note: Fuck, come to realize it, I am that person that I hate. Looking straight into a mirror that I want to smash; I hate to have the qualities I despise in others, and I would like to weed them out as best as I can; although it's rigorous, it also involves a lot of self-loathing, especially self-doubt, which is hard to live with, psychologically; there must be some in between. In other words, don't fuck me over, or I will hurt you so much more when you aren't aware.

And so it goes! (Don't worry, no hard feelings...just some thoughts from this period of my life, where I have been more pissed off and angsty than I have ever been since my teenage years!)