February 8, 2006

burnt beans

i've been meaning to tell you the awful events of the last few days. it's taken a while, because i am still trying to understand what the hell happened.

one, it turns out i am more fatigued than i thought i was; even though i'm eating normally, my body has been starving. waiting for my results was an incredibly disruptive moment -- i couldn't do anything because i was so afraid. but, whew ... the bright side is that i will be better over time.

two, my 400 gb external harddrive crashed. physically. into the ground. on the bright side, i have most of the photos and documents backed up. but, i lost all the films, almost all my new music, and all photos from between 2/2005 and 11/2005. and all the images i've culled since 2/2005.

three, someone broke into my car when it was parked on valencia between 14th and 15th -- whoever did it ransacked all compartments, and stole (from the TRUNK) my bag and all its contents: powerbook, ipod, wallet, medicine, letters, journal ... this is still fresh in my head, so if we talk about it, i will say fuck valencia. it makes me more afraid of strangers on the street, and it reminds me of such things as protecting private property. i had a sort of ideological break as well ...it goes like: i don't give a shit how broke or out of luck or looking for a thrill or systemically marginalized you are, DON'T FUCKING TOUCH MY SHIT.

i've been trying to patch everything back together these last few days, but it's been really hard.

8 comments:

thong said...

my bike got stripped on valencia, my other one also got stripped in front of my house so i would at least add Haight St. to your "Fuck You" list.

i can help you relinquish some of your 2005 music collection, but i am assuming my tastes are as good as yours. =)

let me know your next free day/night and we'll go paint the town red jean.

Anonymous said...

holy geez... 400gb?!
that's more storage than what ive got!
okay, waht in the world could be in your computer that would possibly warrant such grand MB sizes?
(and yes, i'm hard-drive-envy)

-psycho

andrea said...

i'm glad you're pulling through, jean. you're a really strong girl. and you're my friend!!!

i understand how you feel about the thefts. with all this boring talk of "city life" and "gentrification"... i keep remembering & thinking about the mission district i met a few years ago with one of my best friends, the one i really fell in love with.

but even tonight- i thought about valencia/mission/12th--26th/streets.... and i really got saddened by the memory.

and- the last time i was THERE: i was with YOU! my last Mission-Memory involves jean.

see you soon. not sure that it will make you feel better to hear this, but: "everybody goes through this." it sounds condescending, but it's 100% truth.

hang in there, always.

andrea said...

jean- let's all go paint the town red! you need it!!!

[jimmy- i thought about Haight tonight, and i ALMOST said "fuck haight". no joke]

andrea said...

paint the town red somewhere public, or paint the town somewhere on Fell, or paint the town red anywhere in the city.

i suggest BOTH!

Anonymous said...

Good luck with everything Jian, I hope your health is better as well, let me know if you need anything.

jean said...

thanks guys. it really means a lot to me.

another bummer is that i finally got my bianchi put together (thanks ben) and now i can't even ride it. fucking lame dude!!

all this shit really puts a damper on everything including applications for school, finishing the portfolio, moving out of my apartment, and preparing for the other big move. thank goodness i have my family and friends ... ;(

andrea said...

dammit (x3)...

i've got a suggestion for you: put at least (1) thing on hold, or on delay- whether it be moving/portfolio/applications... your psyche depends on it!!!

get a 6-pack of soda-water or gin, or something, chill it in the refrigerator, and [try to] relax!