seasonal update

watch out, it's a personal post.

gah, i've been having worse pains in my legs, especially in the joints. it's times like these it's really hard to be a good person. the pain engrosses me to the point i have a hard time remembering any sort of definition of fun. thinking about being upbeat and "count your blessings" is slap in the face. i just have to lay in bed until i have enough energy to block out the pain again. (i refuse to take any more meds than i have to, so no painkillers and not even tylenol). the good news is that my protein levels are better and i am tapering down the prednisone. the unpleasant thing is that i'm tapering during spring break, so it's not going to be a wonderful break as tapering's a beez. i will be exhausted and deeply deeply depressed until my adrenal glands are adjusted. (in retrospect, how ridiculous i tapered during fashion week ... it took two weeks to recover from that). i'm still on the same dose of cellcept, but it's been pretty tolerable.

all in all, i'm learning to feel out what's going on with my body systems this time around, but it's been utterly exhausting juggling a lot of things at the same time -- which is a decision i made. i could have gone back to california, but i am STAYING PUT! why? i love you guys!!! the weather's shit, the food is not as fresh, but jesus, it's times like these i realize how much i love my friends and i love the city. (i am sacrificing my health for you, NY, you better recognize!)

one of the saddest things for me is missing out on events constantly. i think i only make it to about 10% of dinners/ parties/ appointments/ whatever gatherings that happen. even my own goddam medical appointments i can't make at times (well, i did have eight appointments and tests scheduled last week, which is ridiculous with school). this is just pathetic. i am utterly determined to get my life back.