March 24, 2011


i was debating whether or not to shut down this blog permanently, since it started taking a truly personal turn and could be mistaken for some passive aggressive therapy sessions slash just get disgustingly exhibitionist. what about all those weirdos reading this blog out there who know me? but now i think, what the fuck, let my life be fodder for their projections or sick fantasies or whatever. i will just say whatever i feel like on this thing and if it rubs you the wrong way so be it.

first thing i will do is give you some honest updates. obviously i have tried to keep up some sort of appearances at some point, but no more. it's all or nothing now!

ok, nevermind that. first thing i will do is give you some recaps. first, will be some drafts that i never ended posting, from some smidge of hesitation or full blown doubt and embarassment after writing. well, it sounds juicier than it actually is. here are a sampling:

Things I've learned about myself the last year:

- Dry shampoo is a wonderful wonderful invention, especially for the icy throes of a unheated apartment in winter.

That didn't get too far.

i have to say i am fuming at a certain apparel/lifestyle corporation popular amongst a youthful hipster demographic that starts with u and ends with -fitters. i designed shoes and handbags for a thing with them and they completely knocked the ideas off for their own label. for some styles, they didn't even bother to change the name! i know in the past we have come across some of their private knock-off contractors in midtown and seen their pattern-makers with OUR garments in hand.

i understand it is a given these mass market corporations thrive on knocking off up market work and on these 'cachet-endowing' collaborations, but it hits too close to home when you see your sketches and ideas being blatantly stolen without any sort of compensation for the small, independent company you work for. well, dog eat dog, i guess. sigh.

Not sure if I am really allowed to write this. Hopefully no one sues me?

whoa, i never thought i would think about a life decision and hear the theme from bone thugs "crossroads" playing in my head and then think about how relevant it is.
See you at the crossroads, crossroads, crossroads/So you won't be lonely
so, i basically have this crazy opportunity to become a head designer at a fucking awesome label, design entire collections, work with such great coworkers and a hilarious boss, tons of growth, and have things i draw out in pencil become real objects within months.
but, there's a fork in the road. i have this other thought of moving home. back to california.
yes, leave nyc, and this thing i worked at these last two years, and getting to this spot where i am doing what i love, designing everyday, and learning something new - and more importantly, interesting - everyday. on top of that and so, so crucially, away from a bunch of the greatest friends, and all the times to be had.
why? this lifestyle ain't sustainable. i see myself down the line on dialysis and shit. i have a lot of pressure to stay healthy, and at this time, healthy and fashion generally don't mix. it is long ass hours and no vacations. crazy people, politics, frustration, more crazy people, and creation fueled by lots of caffeine, carbs, and well, cigarettes (but not for me!). and sacrifice.

Now you understand how some of these are better to sit on and be edited several months later, but then lose their relevancy somehow in the delay? I am just talking to myself.


lilly and derrick coming to visit
david byrne at prospect park (thanks em)
just hanging out
setagaya with mel and george
someone newly in loooooove ... wink
christmas all over again

i can't remember half the things that happen any more ...

i also missed a lot of stuff, but i guess that's the m.o. these days.

Wow, I don't remember pretty much half of these things. Lilly and Derrick, I do remember you. But the rest fails to be recalled. And that is why I need to update this thing. It is a journal after all.

More up in the next days.

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