April 16, 2003

So you know what I realized? The less you whine and give a panicky shit about your own small sphere of existence, the happier you will be. sure, you gotta have your inner peace, but your internal world musn't consume you. i guess i started to see that i can do certain things, and rather well, and people will still respect me. sometimes even like it. weird.

so i was helping my boss do his bills, all twenty-five bills ... what a character this man. the strange thing when you start writing about other people is that you realize anything you write will never do them justice. especially if they are absolutely unique to you. (unless you hate them). i love to find out the inner lives and thoughts of other people, and i've begun to tell rather well how transparent and opaque people are towards me, and their hidden insecurities start to show up in these tiny observations. i find it very special, fascinating, but it makes me feel that greater distance ... and yet, there's so much more to learn about your friends. so many things they tell you! my boss has his story about chistopher alexander, and his yugoslavian animation experience, and his wacky clients (narcissists, homeopaths, retired engineers, scholars) and his life and the hitchhiking trip he made across the country, so on and so forth... all the while, i'm making more and more assumptions, and i want to know more and more if they are true! but, ... i cant say anymore here!

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